Move over, Tiger King. The newest Netflix star is the home run king.
Netflix announced Thursday that Barry Bonds would be a special guest studio analyst for their telecast of the season opener between the San Francisco Giants and New York Yankees Wed., March 25. Bonds will join Albert Pujols and Anthony Rizzo as part of the pregame and postgame shows, a panel that combined for 1,768 home runs. Much like chicks, Netflix digs the long ball.
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Bonds won’t be the only legendary Giants outfielder who will be part of the broadcast. Hunter Pence will be in the booth, alongside Matt Vasgersian and Hall of Fame pitcher CC Sabathia, giving each of the teams an alumni voice in color commentary.
Netflix had teased the announcement of Bonds, originally only announcing that a “Special Guest” would join the broadcast. However, John Shea reported that the streaming giant would be filling McCovey Cove with 73 red kayaks bearing the Netflix logo in honor of the 25th anniversary of Bonds’ record-breaking 73-homer season in 2001. So there was a strong chance the secret unannounced studio guy would indeed be Bonds.
In fact, who were the other possibilities? Brandon Belt would have only agreed to join the crew if he could be the studio captain. Huey Lewis specializes in national anthems, not baseball analysis. Tim Lincecum is shy. Barry Zito would bring an acoustic guitar. Brandon Crawford would only get on board if the Cheese Steak Shop was a sponsor. Gavin Newsom would blow Netflix’s entire hair and makeup budget. Aubrey Huff might be banned from even having a Netflix account, much less appearing on a Netflix show.
If it goes well, we’d like to humbly suggest some more SF Giants Netflix programming”
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“Lou Seal In Paris”
The cuddly seal with the amorphous body moves to Paris in order to school European mascots in American-style clownery and his signature “belly bump” move. Lou struggles with driving his golf cart on the correct side of the road, wins over a squad of soccer hooligans and finds love with his downstairs neighbor, a Cirque du Soleil acrobat who is also an otter.
“Jake Paul vs. Hunter Strickland”
Hunter Strickland loves starting fights. Jake Paul loves scheduling fights. The 6-foot-3, 225-pound former Giants closer has a size advantage over Paul, but Paul has more experience. As for punchable faces, they’re about even. However, Michael Morse and Jeff Samardzija are not allowed to intervene!
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“The Blanco Lotus”
See what happens and who gets murdered at a luxury hotel in Venezuela run by former Giants outfielder Gregor Blanco, his twin brother Gregory Blanco, and his little brother, Gregson Blanco. Unlike that other Lotus show, these three brothers won’t have any inappropriate contact with each other.
“Bay Bridgerton”
Tony Vitello struggles to learn etiquette in the complicated society of major league baseball, all while dealing with malicious gossip published by “Lord Whistledown” (Joe Maddon).
“Squib Game”
Luis Arraez competes in an intense, life-or-death game show where players face a series of dangerous challenges that mainly require putting a baseball in play, no matter how softly. If his BABIP drops too low, the Giants offense dies.
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“Danny Ozark”
Giants manager Danny Ozark has to launder money for a Mexican drug cartel, all while trying to keep the 1984 Giants out of last place in the National League West. Starring J.K. Simmons as Ozark and Pete Rose, Jr. as Pete Rose, Sr.
Congratulations to Mr. Bonds! Let’s hope Hall of Fame voters aren’t all watching Paramount Plus instead.
