Nick Saban, who became the greatest college football coach ever during an era in which coaches flexed unfettered omnipotence, testified before a congressional committee in favor of a bill that would enforce a cap on college athlete earnings and restrict player movement.
What a surprise, right? Saban misses the all-encompassing control coaches like him used to have. It’s why he retired.
Advertisement
Saban served up several LOL moments throughout his holier-than-thou testimony.
MORE: Why power conferences aren’t all-in on Congress’ latest college sports fix
OPINION: Big Ten, SEC didn’t lose control — they’re setting the trap
Here are some of my favorites:
Saban: “Congress does not need to micromanage college sports.”
My response: Um, why do you think you’re here, Coach? Did you not get memo? You’re testifying in support of a 111-page bill that amounts to Congress’ attempt to micromanage college sports.
***
Saban: “Everything that happens is about, how much money can we create?”
My response: That’s called capitalism, buddy. Did Saban miss the “Welcome to America” sign?
Advertisement
***
Saban: “If you had the biggest, baddest Ferrari that you could ever have, and it was going 150 miles an hour toward the Grand Canyon, somebody needs to tap the brakes.”
My response: Who’s responsible for driving the Ferrari 150 mph into the Grand Canyon? The guy behind the wheel.
If a moron drives a Ferrari 150 mph toward a giant hole in the earth, maybe the moron driving the Ferrari needs to tap the brakes, instead of pleading for the federal government to stop him while accelerating off the cliff.
***
Saban: “You have schools that have $40 million rosters!”
My response: You also have schools paying coaches $13 million (and soaring) salaries and paying team weightlifting coaches more than $1 million.
Advertisement
Is Congress going to cap their earnings, too?
By the way, what’s the congressional cap on “advisor” earnings going to be? I’m only asking, because Alabama pays Saban $500K to be an “advisor.”
Don’t misunderstand, I’m not suggesting Congress should regulate the team weightlifting coach’s salary or the head coach’s salary. I’m saying Congress shouldn’t restrict anyone’s payday within College Sports Inc., no matter whether he’s the weightlifting coach hollering “Give me one more!” or he’s the athlete lifting the weight.
***
Saban: “We have college players paying 20% (to agents). We have agents that encourage players to get in the portal, when it’s really not in their best interest to get in the portal, only to try to stimulate more revenue for them.”
Advertisement
My response: We also have coaches’ agents who encourage coaches to enter the coaches’ portal when it might not be in their best interest to do so, to stimulate more revenue for them.
Is Congress going to regulate coaches’ agents, too? No rules for Jimmy Sexton, right? Only restrictions for players’ agents. Got it.
***
Nick Saban, former Alabama football coach, testifies before the Senate Committee on Commerce, Science, and Transportation in the Hart Senate Office Building on June 3, 2026 in Washington, DC. The committee heard testimony on the topic of “Protecting College Sports.
Saban: “My first year we had a collective at Alabama, (it doled out) $2.7 million. Next year, $7 million. The next year, $10 million. Then I retired. Next year, $17 million. Next year, $24 million.”
My response: So, you’re telling me that, within two years of Saban retiring, Alabama’s collective more than doubled its financial output?
Advertisement
Well, well, well.
Makes me wonder, who was holding back Alabama’s collective in those early years of NIL?
I kid, I kid. Nothing is ever the coach’s fault. That’s Rule No. 1 in Saban World.
***
Saban: “It’s become an arms-race.”
My response: OK, let’s return to when college football wasn’t an arms race — back when the players wore leather helmets, and the coaches fought in World Wars.
***
Saban: “Who spends the most has the best chance to win. But, I think it’s a race to the bottom, because if you don’t spend to win, you lose your fanbase.”
My response: True, building a pauper’s roster is no way to rally fans. But, schools really start to lose the fanbase when they spend mega-bucks in an attempt to win big, but the coach loses anyway. I call Brian Kelly and James Franklin to testify.
Advertisement
***
Saban: “I think we all have to ask ourselves a question: What is our guiding principles for the future of college athletics — including Olympic, women and non-revenue sports?”
My response: Guiding Principle No. 1: Stop paying fired football coaches tens of millions of dollars to not work.
While we’re on the subject of women’s sports, I wonder how many women’s sports teams could be funded by the $54 million in failure money LSU owes Kelly. Anything in this bill to address runaway coaching buyouts? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
No wonder Saban supports this bill.
It’s packed with rules for thee, but not for me.
Advertisement
Blake Toppmeyer is the USA TODAY Network’s senior national college football columnist. Email him at BToppmeyer@gannett.com and follow him on X @btoppmeyer.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Nick Saban’s 9 laugh out loud quotes during Congress testimony
