A drunken lifeguard. A laptop with no disk space. A millenial regularly buying and consuming avocado toast. The San Francisco Giants bullpen.
What do they have in common? They’re not good at saving.
That was the case Friday night at Coors Field, where the Colorado Rockies hit two home runs and scored five runs off Caleb Killian (1-3) in the bottom of the 9th inning, sending the Giants to their fourth straight loss and their eighth loss in their last 10 games.
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Hunter Goodman hit a three-run homer to tie the game. Then with two outs, Ezequiel Tovar finished the shot with a two-run shot to left that gave Colorado an 8-6 victory and prompted the Rockies social media department to quote a song from “The Lizzie Maguire Movie,” which is about Lizzie Maguire traveling to Italy and meeting a pop star who looks exactly like her — a plot point only slightly more improbable than this Giants loss.
Just a note: That film pre-dated Hannah Montana, a series where Miley Cyrus leads a double life as a regular teenager and a famous pop star, but no one notices because she wears a blonde wig. Also for some reason, Haylie Duff does the singing for her sister’s Italian doppelganger.
Was that a digression? Sure, but isn’t it better than talking about the 2026 Giants?
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Perhaps the Giants should have been more wary of a clutch two-run homer from Tovar, considering he did it one inning earlier to pull the Rockies to a 4-3 deficit in the 8th. Tovar hit it off Keaton Winn and the official 441-foot measurement honestly seems low.
How did the Giants get enough of a lead to set up their epic bullpen collapse? Logan Webb returned from the IL and fought his way through 4 1/3 innings that included three hits, three walks, a hit-by-pitch, and surrendering a steal of home on a Little League-caliber trick play.
But the Giants still held a 3-1 lead after five innings, even after SF nemesis Goodman (2-for-4, 3 RBI, BB) doubled the pitch-hit Tyler Freeman to third and Jung Hoo Lee, also fresh off the IL, made a very creative catch in right field.
You know who else is bad at saving? People not lucky enough to join the Safeway Select Club.
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The Giants got on the board when DH Bryce Eldridge (1-for-1, two walks and a sac fly) doubled in the third and scored on a Willy Adames sac fly. They took the lead in the third with two walks, a Daniel Susac sacrifice fly, a single from Lee (4-for-5, two runs) and an RBI single from Harrison Bader.
The Giants scored three runs on sacrifice flies and another when Lee scored from second on Bader’s single, and not one player was thrown out at home plate. Welcome back to the third base coaching box, Ron Wotus!
Like the outs at home plate, the Giants also solved their season-long aversion to insurance runs Friday night. Lee doubled and Eldridge drove him home to make it 4-1 in the 8th. In the 9th, the Giants made it 6-3 after Rafeal Devers tripled home Luis Arraez, and Matt Chapman followed with an RBI single.
That missionary who tried to convert the tribespeople of North Sentinel Island, that guy was really bad at saves.
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But a three-run lead wasn’t enough at Coors Field. Killian allowed an infield single to himself to start the 9th. Freeman singled and Goodman hit a Carlton Fisk-esque bomb to left field that just barely stayed fair. The umpires reviewed the play and confirmed the home run, which Goodman appreciated because he was “pretty gassed.”
That was Goodman’s fifth career home run against the Giants and his 24th-26th RBIs, which is 11 more than he has against any other team. He’s also slugging .591 against the Giants and he may have advised the Giants to buy the Curran Theatre in the offseason.
Jose Mejia (1-4) got his first win of the season and did not deserve it one bit after giving up two runs and three hits in the 9th, while also hitting a batter. Tovar ended up doubling his 2026 home run total in two at-bats, having gone deep twice in his first 202 trips to the plate this season before duplicating that feat after the 7th inning.
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We should note that Tovar’s walkoff didn’t just give the Rockies a win. It gave the Rockies fans discounted tacos. At participating Denver-area Taco Bells, four crispy tacos can be had for just $3 from 4-6 PM tomorrow night. Just a warning — fans still have to pay for their own toilet paper after that promotion gives them diarrhea.
Saturday night Adrian Hauser takes the mound for the Giants as they face right-hander Ryan Feltner, who is coming off the injured list. He’ll probably throw a no-hitter.
