I did not enjoy my first few games for England.
My first cap came in 1995 and I started all four games in the 1996 Five Nations, which we won on the final game.
I may have been living the dream, but it was not much fun to play in.
Pass and kick – I was under very clear and rigid instructions.
My running game helped me gain international recognition, but I was unable to express myself on the field.
As my confidence grew, I understood that going off script was not a rebellion if done at the right time.
In fact, it gained you more respect – if the decision was the right one – from the coaching staff.
Being brave enough to say in a huddle “guys, we do need to do X, Y and Z here to win” is what I want from this England team.
I know I sound like a broken record, but only a player has a feel for the game on the pitch.
England stuck to their box-kick-heavy strategy in the 23-18 Six Nations defeat by Italy and it failed them.
Right on half-time in Rome, Fin Smith took the ball and went off script, bouncing to the blindside to find Tom Roebuck with a neat cross-field kick for England’s try.
Would head coach Steve Borthwick have gone after him in the changing room for playing heads-up rugby? No.
Smith was brave and delivered the right decision under pressure.
That is the only major player-led decision that jumps out at me from Saturday’s historic defeat.
It is difficult to list which individuals played badly against Italy – it was just silly errors at key times.
Sam Underhill and Maro Itoje were both having good games, but their second-half yellow cards proved costly.
Underhill’s high tackle can happen, but Itoje’s penalty was a rush of blood to the head and showed a lack of clear thinking.
It put England in a pressure situation that they simply could not rise to in the final quarter.
Their ability to adapt to a changing picture in front of them has been a weakness all tournament.
There was no urgency until the last passage of play, when the shackles came off and Ollie Chessum broke clear.
The talent within this squad is so clear, but they are performing under their potential.
