It’s once again time for the SEC in a Sentence, in which I take stock of each SEC football team’s current position in the league firmament. We’ve reached the point in the season in which teams have played enough football to establish something akin to an identity.
Some of them are even pressing those identities on other league teams one after another, like a toastmaster who only has the one really good joke and tells it in every single room he walks into. For what it’s worth, Texas’s bit where they go to overtime against teams they should be beating the brakes off of is a real knee-slapper. I can’t get enough of that one.At any rate, here’s the abridged version of where things stand among the football teams of the Southland:
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Alabama: They just keep getting away with it in new and different ways.
Arkansas: Imagine being the person who has to choose between trying to hire Bobby Petrino on a permanent basis so he doesn’t go replace Hugh Freeze or choosing to let him go so you can then turn around and hire Hugh Freeze.
Auburn: Won a game they absolutely had to win, but it still won’t save Hugh Freeze’s job when they lose some of those games they couldn’t afford to lose.
Florida: Would like nothing more than dropping a deuce in the Bulldogs’ punch bowl on their way to basketball season.
Georgia: I’m trying not to get excited about the possibility of the Bulldogs’ playing their best football in the back half of the season, in part because it looks like they’ll also play a couple of the best football teams they see all season in the back half of the season.
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Kentucky: Lost the kind of game you have to win to move up in the SEC pecking order in precisely the way that you’d expect Mark Stoops to lose this kind of game.
LSU: Well, that went pretty much exactly how everyone with any common sense knew it would.
Mississippi State: So bye, bye Ms. American Pie, ole Jeff Lebby almost did it but again just not quite…they say close only counts when horse shoes and hand grenades fly, but he’s starting to look like Brent Pry….too many moral victories makes you Brent Pry!
Oklahoma: John Mateer should see if he can get some sort of refund on that bionic hand.
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Ole Miss: May have both sealed their spot in the College Football Playoff and made Lane Kiffin’s Florida contract even more preposterous in one fell swoop.
Missouri: Missouri played generally solid football against Vandy and would win this game seven out of ten times, but sadly this was one of the other three.
South Carolina: Can you imagine being a South Carolina football fan and actually expecting good things in this life, no of course not, me neither.
Tennessee: They’re better than a spiraling Kentucky football team so I guess there’s that?
Texas: The Longhorns once again barely escaped in overtime against a team they had no business struggling with and Sark is angrily fending off NFL rumors, all of which is exactly what I want for Longhorn fans.
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Texas A&M: I have absolutely no desire to watch my college football team line up against this Aggie defense which reminds me of a 2021-2022 UGA defense to a subtly alarming degree.
Vanderbilt: “We’ve reached the point where Vanderbilt is a top ten team that finds a way to win games against good football teams and it isn’t exactly surprising” he said, wondering how we got to a place where he was saying that about the ‘Dores rather than Alabama or LSU.
Go ‘Dawgs!!!
