If you watched Saturday’s CBS Sports March Madness coverage, you might have witnessed a horrid creation from the place where time and space collide in agony.
A talking basketball with a man’s face, including a realistic nose for some reason, named “OB” stopped by the CBS Sports dais to entertain the folks at home. Have you seen this monstrosity? Is it a man who has been doomed to a future as a basketball, or a basketball whose Pinocchio wish to become a real man backfired spectacularly?
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“OB” stands for “Old Ball,” so it’s very likely this wretched creature has been stuck like this for quite some time. Why do we demand “Old Ball” to make basketball jokes for our twisted joy? Why don’t we put this poor thing out of its show business misery and let it live in peace?
“Old Ball” deserves to be free of this pain and suffering; float “OB” out to sea like Wilson in Cast Away and let him find a new horizon, somewhere beyond our laughter and scorn.
We should be ashamed of ourselves for putting “OB” through this. Free this talking basketball of his shame.
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This article originally appeared on For The Win: The talking basketball on CBS Sports is a Lovecraftian monstrosity
