Right off let’s just say it: Nobody wants to see Magomed Ankalaev win this fight.
OK, fine, I guess I shouldn’t say nobody. There’s his family to consider. There’s his coaches and teammates. If there’s anyone in Dagestan who isn’t yet sick of celebrating all their UFC title wins, they’d probably also enjoy it if Ankalaev beat Alex Pereira to become light heavyweight champion at UFC 313 this Saturday.
But as for the wider world of MMA? The knockout-loving fans, the click-loving media, the money-loving UFC? Not a lot of Ankalaev love to be found in any of those corners. There are two basic reasons for that: 1) Pereira is a lot of fun, and 2) Ankalaev is zero fun.
That sounds like a harsher criticism of the man than I mean it to be. But come on, you know it’s true. Especially when you compare the two options in the UFC 313 main event.
In one corner you have Pereira, a dazzling striker who somehow manages to overflow with personality even when he doesn’t speak the language and never cracks a smile. He has his own catchphrase (the appropriately laconic “chama”) and his own emoji (who knew that Easter Island head would get so much use). He has style in and out of the cage. He even has his own signature entrance, complete with invisible weaponry.
Pereira has completely captured the imaginations of fight fans. He’s fun to watch, fun to talk about, even fun to do some completely hypothetical matchmaking for, since there’s a good chance he’ll compete in three different UFC divisions before it’s all over.
And in the other corner there’s Ankalaev, a black hole from which no personality can escape. He’s the kind of fighter who’s somehow really, really good without being at all memorable. His first fight for the UFC light heavyweight title ended in a split draw against Jan Blachowicz and all I remember thinking during the fight was, ‘Wow, you’re telling me one of these guys has to be champion after this??’ (Turns out, nope, the judges threw up their hands and the UFC decided to just move on entirely.)
The fight Ankalaev won to get here, besting Aleksandr Rakic by unanimous decision at UFC 308 in order to cement his spot as the top contender, I actually fell asleep. That’s true. It’s not me exaggerating to make a point. It wasn’t even late at night, either. It was a fight that aired on a Saturday afternoon in my time zone. I remember seeing most of the first round and then I remember seeing him get his hand raised. In between I was unconscious and happy.
What’s crazy is that, you look at his record and it’s not like you see a string of boring decisions. For a dominant Dagestani fighter on a winning streak, there are a fair amount of knockout finishes and performance bonuses in his history. The man really does have some highlights to show.
Still, there’s just something about him. Which is to say there’s nothing about him. His fights are kind of like “Mission: Impossible” movies, in the sense that they’re fine in the moment but somehow completely forgettable once they’re over.
If he stood on the precipice of taking the title from some champion who was similarly unremarkable as a personality while being excellent as a fighter, it would be no big deal. But Ankalaev is trying to take over for “Poatan,” a man who can make an arena of fans go crazy all by saying one word with zero facial expression.
People love this guy. They love to watch him fight. They see in him all the things they want a champion to be: Swaggering, stylish and utterly terrifying. And now we might be about to trade him for a dude who, when asked to tell us something — anything — about himself, has to settle for: I guess I like riding horses?
It’s a downgrade, no question. That’s especially true for the UFC, which tried to resist even making this fight. When Ankalaev says the brass “protected” Pereira, he’s half right. What UFC execs were really protecting was their own profits. Pereira is big business as champ. Ankalaev would be just business.
And the hell of it is, he could absolutely win this fight. He’s a good all-around fighter with strengths that perfectly match Pereira’s weaknesses. If he fights smart and doesn’t let his ego get the best of him, he could very well wake up Sunday morning as UFC light heavyweight champion.
If that happens, there will be much rejoicing in Dagestan, and in Ankalaev’s little cluster of hotel rooms in Las Vegas … and basically nowhere else.
But that’s the thing about the fight game: It is brutally fair, in its own sick way. Once they lock that cage door, it doesn’t matter if you’re the popular class president or the kid whose name the gym teacher always gets wrong. If you can go out there and get it done, you’re the man. And then it doesn’t matter much what anyone thinks about it — or whether they’re having any fun at all.
