There’s an old sketch from The State called “The Barry Lutz Show” where a doctor played by Thomas Lennon explains his research in the field of “monkey torture,” accompanied by an adorable simian. He eventually takes a phone call that purportedly tells him he has to stop torturing monkeys forever and let them all go, only to reveal it was just his friend Terry making a prank call — an even more sophisticated bit of monkey torture.
The San Francisco Giants spent most of Tuesday’s game with the Arizona Diamondbacks clinging to a two-run lead, escaping bases-loaded situations in the 7th and 8th inning with double plays. But the lack of insurance runs and an unreliable bullpen killed them when Ketel Marte hit a two-out, three-run home run off Matt Gage to give the D-Backs a 5-3 win.
At least it wasn’t Nolan Arenado that beat them this time.
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Is it worse to lose by 12-2 in a game that’s never close or have hope for 26 outs, only to have defeat snatched from the jaws of victory? The 2026 Giants can offer both forms of monkey torture.
The Giants wasted a solid Landen Roupp start, stellar infield defense, and back-to-back jacks from Rafael Devers and Willy Adames after a nightmare four-run 9th. They turned double plays to escape bases-loaded jams in both the 7th and 8th innings, as well as an almost—two-run homer from Marte that went over 400 feet and left him standing on first base in disbelief. Only to fall apart one out from victory.
Caleb Killian (1-2) was clutch in the 8th inning when he induced a double play from Arenado. He was clutch for most of the 9th, giving up a leadoff single and then retiring two straight hitters. He got two strikes on Adrian Del Castillo before hanging a slider the Diamondbacks’ DH hit for an RBI single. Then, he got to 0-2 on Ryan Waldschmidt — before his foul ball was ruled catcher’s interference. And then they lost.
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The loss clearly disappointed a group of Giants fans who took over the Diamondbacks outfield pool area, wearing team gear and water wings. One man sported an orange-and-black tank top that read: “Giants Fans: Peeing In Pools Since 1958.” That’s a weird brag, but we believe that young influencers would consider this an example of chlorinemogging and urinemaxxing, a way to assert dominance over home fans. And really piss them off.
Seconds after Mike Krukow pointed out the shirt, Devers and Adames hit back-to-back home runs and kicked off a three-run rally off Arizona starter Ryne Nelson (7 IP, 8H, 2BB, 3K).
Matt Chapman singled and Andrew Susac refused to let him mellow at first, hitting an RBI double off the base of the wall for a 3-1 lead.
Unfortunately for the water wing crew, that was the last of the Giants’ scoring. A two-out single from Casey Schmitt and a double from Devers couldn’t lead to any runs in the 5th. Chapman walked and Susac singled in the 6th, but two groundouts ended the threat. Reliever Kevin Ginkel walked Willy Adames and threw a wild pitch to start the 8th inning, then struck out Chapman, Drew Gilbert, and Susac.
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Jonathan Loaisiga got his first win of the season for a 1-2-3 9th.
Things didn’t look promising for the Giants early. Corbin Carroll hit a ball into the left-center gap and sprinted for a triple, and scored when Adames’ relay throw drilled him in the back of the head and bounced away.
That’s what’s known as a Three Stooges home run, with Carroll required to jog home while exclaiming “Why, you idiot!” before returning to the dugout for celebratory eye pokes.
Devers had a personal 1-2-3 inning on defense in the bottom of the 6th, making a trio of defensive plays to thwart the Diamondbacks. He backhanded a sizzling Ketel Marte grounder, dove to the bag to retire the speedy Carroll on a slow bouncer, then snagged a Gerardo Perdomo line drive. It was impressive glovework and it probably infuriated every Boston Red Sox fan in the world.
Seeing Devers look like a competent first baseman and Luis Arraez look like a Gold Glover suggests that the Ron Washington Effect is very real for infield defense. A catcher turned a double play last night playing second base, after all. Arraez made the biggest defensive play of the game, starting an inning-ended, bases-loaded 6-4-1 double play to help Keaton Winn escape a 7th-inning jam.
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It was a game full of bright spots and rallies that almost broke the game open, but in the end? It was all just monkey torture. But at least the monkey is cute.
